Troubles that trouble them...

                   Troubles that trouble them and dealing with them

There are times when my niece or any child I work with come & share something that's troubling them ...I have done and keep doing at times unconsciously – is to rush to give solutions & advice to the trouble or problem or situation... 

In one of the sessions – I had a spontaneous filler to go with the flow – We discuss problems & try and find solutions – more like a circle time but an informal yet important conversation….

It was amazing take a back seat and let the child take the lead in figuring out the solutions for their troubles….

Kids shared their problems from getting troubled in the van, not having friends, sibling troubles and so on & there were actually many troubles than I anticipated…

Initially the solutions that came from the group were like hit them, change school you will get new friends, tell your mamma etc.

But  without rushing  we kept discussing and little introspecting questions (this is the only thing I did) – Solutions seemed to be more empathetic, considerate and  a lot of thought process behind them – They discussed, refined & thought of options….And end of it things like – Tell him…talk to them…Stop talking for a few days, you feel bad na…you try……and so on….

I am not judging the solutions or the right or wrong way but the process of how it shaped up from what it was – it was amazing!!!

I learnt –

•  The urge to help or belief that they cannot resolve things themselves…How many times do I tend to give the advice to children – Just because of a belief that I can solve it or I need to help them….This is where we tend to stop their thinking!!!…. 

•  The mantra (amable :)) CHILD Is CAPABLE is Powerful - The moment you accept that the child is capable – your whole perspective changes.  It’s more comforting for both the child and adult when you think we are all capable.

• The seriousness with which we tend to take these troubles – In a way to help them or a way of looking at it from our side we tend to consider these troubles as less trivial or to give an assurance that it’s not a big thing we sometimes forget to acknowledge the trouble itself…. I learnt they go through the same amount of pain/anxiety/frustration that we go through...More chances of the children wanting to come back and share their worries when you genuinely acknowledge them.

• It’s not about the results – Some of the solutions they gave maybe totally unreasonable or ethically wrong – but the moment you try to correct them or jump in – the whole point of empowering them is put to an end…Infact, I just kept reminding myself to “BE THERE” just be there and that lead to kids taking their own flow..Again the point is not to Judge or find solutions….It’s about empowering them. :)